I always thought that it was as bad as you could get... having a broken heart. Heartbroken now, I feel a million times worse knowing that I broke yours. Maybe the problem is that I feel too much. I wish I were a better person. It's hard to look at someone, knowing that you embody both the best and the worst that they see in the world. I wish that I could feel differently... that I could take the opportunities handed to me and embrace, rather than rebuke, them. Perhaps it's a fault of my youth. I'm young enough that I still think I can find what I'm looking for. Restlessness. Not ironically, it can't be confined to a place or an idea. It spreads like a cancer to every aspect of your life. A child of the 80s... the seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake. I still think it exists somewhere. I know because I've touched it. I've held it for fleeting moments. Seaweed, though, is slippery. No matter how green, it gets restless too. I try to pretend it doesn't bother me when salmon swim upstream. When metaphors spill into the Gulf of Mexico. When everyone gets taken along for the ride and ends up miles from where they always saw themselves ending up. It does bother me. I wish I could know for a fact what would and wouldn't work out. I could stop it before I got too invested. Before you got too invested. Maybe my premonition is lacking. Maybe it was never there to begin with, and I'm left just as confused as you. I wish I could change it. Go back months... 2 years... not make the decisions I made that wound up taking the reigns of my feelings. But I can't. So instead I'll just go. It's weird to think who will even still remain a part of my life. It's unfortunate to feel that it may be better for us all if they don't. New beginnings. Same endings. Nothing gold can...
Fuck it.
They don't call it fool's gold for nothing.
yep
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