Don't wanna be an American idiot

Sometimes people are really, really painfully ignorant.  If there's one thing in the world that I have trouble tolerating, that's it.  Ignorance.  I feel like if people were actually educated on present events with a global perspective, they wouldn't say half of the things that they do.  There wouldn't be half of the dissent that there is.  I might be pretty far left wing.  I'd venture to say that I border on socialism.  I'm not, however, saying that I think conservatism is ignorant.  American politics would collapse if not for a two party system.  Honestly, I feel as though we should have MORE than two parties.  I don't believe that one party should dominate politics -- or even that one party is absolutely right.  That would be fascism.  What I do believe is that most people don't care to educate themselves on current events, the world, and how we, as Americans, relate to that world.

I don't believe that Obama is magic.  Hell... I don't even believe that Jesus is magic (Sarah Silverman is closer).  I don't think that he'll wiggle his fingers and all of the problems in the world (or even in America) will be solved.  It's going to take awhile for him to even make a dent in the mess we've gotten ourselves into... and who can say if he'll even be able?  But the fact of the matter is that WE have gotten ourselves into that mess, and we cannot expect HIM to get us out of it.  One man can't do the work of a nation... no matter how innovative and resourceful he is.  And although conservatives will argue that we liberals think he's the next messiah, I don't believe that most of us do.  He can only do what a man can do.  It is up to a nation to make real change.  I can't say that everything will be perfect.  What I can say is that, for the first time since I myself have emerged on a global plane, I will not be ashamed to say that I am an American.  And I will not avoid eye contact with discussion of America in a global perspective.  MY global perspective began in 2003.  For the first time in 6 years, I will be comfortable admitting that we have faltered as a nation because I know now that we're TRYING to regain our footing.  He's not gonna be perfect.  No one is.  But if you tell me that he could possibly make things WORSE... well, I'll believe it when I see it.

Anytime anyplace anywhere any day, anyway

Call me.

Or, rather, don't.  My phone has been acting strange for awhile now.  I probably should have thought ahead.  It started innocently enough.  Turning itself off.  At first only occasionally.  Then 10 times a day.  But then it would stop for 3 weeks and function just fine.  Next comes the battery bar.  The battery appeared to be draining ridiculously fast.  Write one text message and you go from full battery down to half.  Sounds like trouble.  Except that the battery bar would be totally empty and the phone would still function.  I could write 15 texts on zero battery.  Talk to the parents for an hour on zero battery.  I started to ignore the lack of battery bars.  I got complacent.  You'd think I would have learned with the Sebring and its idiot lights.  No oil, overheated engine.  Take it in, my oil and coolant levels are just fine.  A week later, the same thing.  Take it in again, levels are still a-ok.  A week later, same thing.  Take it in again, no worries here.  The car that cried wolf... of course, until I was headed to Indianapolis on a Friday evening for a weekend wedding, then KAPOW!  Time to buy a new car, cupcake -- your engine overheated and all your oil burned out.  But who can blame me after I got the car checked 15 times for the same problem (at different places, mind you), and nothing was ever wrong with it??  Anyway, back to the phone (I'm not bitter about it.  Ha!).  So after all that trouble, I start to ignore the idiot lights.  Now tonight, all of a sudden, my phone starts blinking no battery power and shuts off.  And every time I turn it back on, it shuts off again.  Plug it into the wall, turn it on, sorry no battery.  Goodnight, moon.  I don't know if it's the phone itself or the charger.  My contract with AT&T isn't up for renewal (read as: new phone eligibility) until August, and I'll theoretically be leaving about then anyway.  This is my 2nd phone in 2 years... they just don't make them like they used to.  I early college Sony Ericsson was a beast, but, damnit, it lasted me for 3 years, and my mom is STILL using it.  So tomorrow I'm heading out to see if I can find a new charger for it.  Hopefully that will solve the problem, and it's not actually that the battery won't hold a charge.  If that doesn't work, it looks like I'll be in the market for a new/used phone.  Hopefully someone takes pity on me and just gives me one for free.  Ha!  But regardless, until that happens, I am incommunicado via phone.  Yippee.

Edit:  I'm an idiot.  Next time I should probably check to see if we knocked the charger out of the wall while we were having sex.  My bad.

6725

kilomètres de moi

Blogging again.  Do we think it will last?  Probably not.  But here's an attempt and an explanation.  An attempt at an explanation, so to speak.

Today I turned in my application for the assistant program via the French embassy.  If all goes according to plan, and I don't know why it wouldn't, although I don't intend to jinx myself, I'll be shipping off to France again in September in order to start teaching in October.  Will it be a career building experience for me?  Who knows.  Theoretically, I still intend on getting my doctorate in psychology.  Berkeley 2010 is what I keep telling myself.  Whether or not it's likely that I'll fill out and send my grad school applications from abroad is debatable.  Maybe I'll make it my summer project.  Letters of rec what what?  I'm going to have to work on that.  Aloof was I -- never one to build relationships with professors.  Maybe that was my folly.  Of course, in the back of my mind, I've been tossing around that Ph.D. in French.  Dooming myself to a lifetime of professor-dom.  Dooming myself to a life of struggling to publish -- writing writing writing and probably getting nowhere fast.  How can you compete with native speakers?  Especially when my ultimate goal is just being there.  Maybe I'll just move to St-Tropez and live off the land.

Of course now the problem is that the application is in and I'm just waiting.  Forever it will seem.  I've always lived six months in the future.  It's why I struggle to make and attain goals.  I only think far enough in advance to dwell on the practicalities of living.  Where?  When?  How?  How much?  I never stop apartment hunting.  I start the day I move in.  Where next?  I can't help but feel like it would be nice to be in a place that I could see myself living for long enough that I didn't have to constantly hunt for an abode.  Bloomington a year, France a year, Bloomington for two, Bloomington for one (and dog), France for one (and dog).  Every breath is spent anticipating the next.  Maybe I should concentrate more on the one I'm taking.  Maybe it would make the difference... make me less nervous.  I look to destinations as solutions.  But no home is ever as perfect as the one I've already left.  What if that's how it will always be?

Montpellier, Grenoble, Poitiers.  Those were my preferences.  In that order.  Honestly -- who picks Poitiers?  I wanted to stay south.  Most people want to be near Paris (6725 kilometers from Indianapolis to Paris).  Paris is movies.  I'm old enough to know that life isn't a movie, and moving to a place that makes me think like one will only leave me disillusioned.  Nice for a visit.  Nice for a weekend romance.  I want the south.  I want the Mediterranean.  Grenoble and Poitiers aren't the Mediterranean.  Not by a long shot.  But, hey, they aren't Franche-Comté either (the mere thought of Stendhal would drive me to drink... ironic that he was born in Grenoble but I associate him with the F-C).  I also want the warmth of the south... this weather is killing me, and we aren't in Berkeley yet.  I'm trying to prepare myself for Grenoble and Poitiers, but, let's face it, I'm going to be disillusioned if I don't get Montpellier.  I want what I want... and, deep down, I think I deserve it.  If not me, then who?  And why them?  Setting myself up for disappointment.  My Achilles' heel.  But happy is what happens when dreams come true, isn't it?

Anyway, I'm trying to start the blog again.  It will likely be unread until I find out for sure... then I'll start actually notifying people of it so that they may keep up with what's going on.  Until then...